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(Material Safety Data Sheet for Australian Cattle Dogs)
Element: Australian Cattle Dog
Symbol: ACD
Atomic Mass: Values from 30 to 65 lbs. but invariably feels like more
Density:
Muscular - highest
Brain - density varies in direct relationship to:
1) the amount of money spent on entry fees
2) the number of people watching
3) the amount of bragging done beforehand
Discoverer: Disputed - often credited to Kaleski
Occurrence: Found worldwide, copious quantities often gathering near livestock
Physical Properties:
1) Surface usually covered with shedding hair, mud, and manure
2) Explodes when border, freezes when faced with dumb people, melts when given steak
3) Obnoxious or perfectly ordered when out in public (varies randomly)
4) Causes headaches, body aches, and extensive injuries to susceptible humans
5) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Ca (cattle)
6) Gains considerable mass if demands for edible input are met
7) When pressure is applied, becomes more unyielding
Chemical Properties:
1) All forms desire reaction with Ca
2) Most powerful happiness and frustration inducing agent known to humanity
3) Usually wiling to react favourably with only one particular human
4) Reaction styles vary from calm (rarely) to hyperactive (playplayplayworkworkwork)
5) Some forms react violently to the presence of BC (border collies); chain link fencing
invariably intensifies this effect
6) Is extremely attracted to LC (liquefying carcasses) - all varieties - will become coated with
this. Post-combination with LC, becomes more attracted to HO (horrified owner)
7) Certain varieties pathologically attracted to Sk (skunks)
8) Is neutral to attention from fawning strangers
Common Uses:
1) Bubba (man) magnet
2) Highly effective in inducing desired movement of Ca (cattle)
3) Efficient repellent of cat
Caution:
1) Tends to react violently when its own indecipherable "rules" have been violated
2) Contact with ACD often leads to dependency upon it
